Through the incredible power of Twitter, I connected with Dr. Edward Farber who has allowed me to review an advance copy of his new book, which goes on sale January 29, 2013: Raising The Kid You Love With The Ex You Hate
Any therapist who has worked with divorced couples has dealt with parents who will drone on about how much they love their children and would be willing to do anything for them… Then the therapist suggests, separately to these loving parents, that they communicate directly with each other for the good of their child. Thus begins the torrent of excuses for why this would never work—Each parent tells the therapist, “I’m willing, but he’s a lazy bastard,” “I’m willing but she needs to pay child support first,” and so on… and so on… the excuses continue.
Dr. Farber’s Book, Raising The Kid You Love With The Ex You Hate delivers a practical guide to parents as they navigate through their breakup and the negotiations of post-divorce childrearing. It combats the many excuses parents will give as to impossibility of working with their ex for the good of their children and provides strategic advice for shielding the kids from the conflict between their parents. Dr. Farber asserts this will allow kids to freely enjoy a loving relationship with both their parents, resulting better outcomes for the children. To accomplish this, Dr. Farber lays out a plan for parents to adopt a business model, in their interactions with each other, in which they are each stakeholders in a professional endeavor –raising their children- where the kids’ needs and future successful launch into adulthood are placed above their own ambitions and conflict.
My favorite aspect of this book is that it is concise yet packed with detailed solutions to many of the trials people endure when they split up—from how, when, and where to tell the kids, in an age appropriate manner, that their parents are separating, to the mountains of co-parenting issues (religion, new relationships, substance abuse and mental health problems) and the mole hills (bedtimes, organic food diets, and name brand jeans). Dr. Farber even touches on one day sharing grandchildren with the ex you hate and protecting them from the fallout of the war between their grandparents.
Raising The Kid You Love With The Ex You Hate is a great resource for therapists and anyone who is in a co-parenting situation, regardless of whether they purport to like their ex or not…if they are willing to do anything for their children, then they can show it by reading this book and practicing the principles presented in it.
EMAIL: ASerefine@CCDCounseling.com ∙ PHONE: 972.353.9404 ext. 12